You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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