I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
