So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
