if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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