Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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