how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
