there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
