There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
