I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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