Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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