dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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