I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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