My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
