drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
