I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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