he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
