Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
