Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
