If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
