Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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