the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Someone came in the potted fern
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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