Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
