OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
