I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
