I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've blown a few things in my day
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why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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