yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
