When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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