remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
