And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize