i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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