Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
