Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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