On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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