I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
