Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
