i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
