You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
