Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
