I'm so fucking centered right now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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