i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
