sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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