about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
