Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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