i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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