After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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