you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
