Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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