i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
