Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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