She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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