A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We are two peas in an std pod
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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