Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
