I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
