If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
