is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
