I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
