oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
