I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
