No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
