I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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