Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
