i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
