for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
