Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
