you guys were way drunker than both of me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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