Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
