She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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