I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
