There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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