I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
