So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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