there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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