Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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