I think i peed on brittanys purse
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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