went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everyone says I win the strip club
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
