So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
