I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
