i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
