Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
