And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
